Bonus Entry: Ransomed, Redeemed, Received, Restored
Grieving the loss of an unborn child is so very difficult.
For one, there are no “social norms”. There is no process to follow- no viewing, funeral, reception, etc. There are no known steps to take as you walk uncharted territory to finding closure.
With Pepper, even though I found peace, it would be a lie to say that my heart was immediately healed. Yes, I found a solace in knowing that she was with the Lord, but my heart still ached.
I want to speak directly to the person that needs to hear this today….
It is important to remember that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. There is no “timeline” by which you need to be “healed”.
There are still days that I find myself mourning the loss of my unborn babies - and that’s okay.
Give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself grace. Give yourself the love that you need.
It’s also okay to not be okay for a while!
But, please heed this warning - don’t believe the lies of the enemy that there is no future for your life, that you are unworthy/unloved, or that the loss is too much to bear. (And, this goes without saying, but please don’t be afraid to seek professional help.)
I wrote the following after my second miscarriage (through tears in the Hobby Lobby parking lot with worship music blaring):
Gut-wrenching. Soul-shaking. Breath-taking.
The silent suffering is all too familiar.
Waves of old emotion come flooding back over me- threatening to drown me under the crushing weight of the new waves of grief.
The familiarity provides no comfort. Instead, my pain is compounded with each gasp for air.
Raw. Rejected. Broken.
No.
Ransomed. Redeemed. Received. Restored.
Thankful.
Thankful that My circumstances do not define me. Thankful I am a daughter of the King. Thankful that when I am weak, He is strong. Thankful when I can’t go on, He has gone before me. Thankful that His peace surpasses all understanding.
You will never know pain my little one, and for that I am so thankful. You too are a daughter of the King, and you sit before His throne. The Lord has us both in His hands. And there will be a Heavenly celebration the day I get to wrap my arms around you.
Friend- oh, how I have wrestled.
Wrestled between my earthly thoughts and my Heavenly faith. Between caving into my feelings or pressing into the Lord.
On the days I felt like caving (and to be fully transparent, today was one of them), I’ve found it important to ground myself in Truth. I hope that when needed, you too will remember the following:
As hard as it is to see right now, not only is there life after miscarriage, there is a divinely orchestrated plan for your life.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”(Jeremiah 29:11).
2. There is nothing to be ashamed of! You are not broken! In fact, you are the opposite- you are fearfully and wonderfully made! There is a Heavenly purpose for your earthly pain, and you are so very loved.
“You are of great worth in My eyes. You are honored and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)
3. You will get through this season, this struggle, this day! And the good news, not by yourself. Press into the Lord, girlfriend, because when you are weak, He is strong.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
These are not empty statements, but Biblical truths. Truths that require daily reminders, and a daily choice of whether we are going to choose faith or fear. It is not a one time decision.
I want to leave you with a few sweet ideas of how to honor your angel baby! A huge thank you to everyone who contributed your ideas:
Write a letter to your unborn baby
Wear a ring with the birthstone of the month of their should have been due date (God-willing you can add the birthstones of your future babes to the ring)
Talk with others who have been there; community is SO important
Plant a tree or flower and watch how it grows and blooms each year
Create a memory box
Write a poem
Celebrate your babe’s heavenly birthdate each year
Hold a sweet ceremony and release balloons or lanterns
Donate to a charity of your choice in memory/honor of your baby
Don’t do anything if you don’t feel like it -it’s okay to just be
Y’all also pointed me to these amazing companies that offer special gifts and gift boxes for those experiencing grief of many kinds:
1. Rainy Day Boxes
Rainy Day Boxes
Instagram: @rainydayboxes
Website: www.rainydayboxes.com
“A Rainy Day Box lets you show up at the exact moment you’re needed—over and over again. Each box is carefully curated to contain thoughtful and beautiful gifts that are individually packaged and meant to be opened over time. Inside each one is a message that acknowledges that day’s struggle but conveys strong and inspiring words of hope and love."
2. Bryan Anthonys
Bryan Anthonys
Instagram: @bryananthonys
Website: www. bryananthonys.com
“Founded from stories, built on connection - meaningful jewelry with powerful messages. Your Story Matters - Make Every Moment Count.”
3. Shine Life
Shop Shine Life
Instagram: @shopshinelife
Website: www.shopshinelife.com
“Through our crazy journey of love and loss and diagnoses and hope, my husband and I have found healing in creating pieces for others that are in the midst of their own struggles. Designing pieces to inspire hope and encourage hearts of others was the perfect way to process our own life – the good, the bad, the funny and the ugly.”
4. Bottle of Tears
Bottle of Tears
Instagram: @bottle_of_tears
Website: www.bottleoftears.com
“Bottle of Tears is a curated gift service through which friends can share comfort with one another by sending gifts of hope.”
I love that small businesses with such a heart for blessing others exists! Feel free to add to this list or list of ways to honor your babe in the comments below!
Lastly, I want to leave you with a resource that I have been LOVING… it’s called “Sarah’s Laughter” a faith-based fertility podcast which interviews people who “get infertility” including those who walk through it, and those who walk alongside them (like, binge-listening type of loving it). The podcast was born out of Sarah’s Laughter ® - a non-profit organization and country-wide support group that offers faith- based Christian support to couples struggling with infertility. They believe that this life-changing burden is too heavy to carry alone - and, I couldn’t agree more. If you are struggling with infertility of any kind, or know someone who is, I can’t recommend this podcast highly enough! It is SO stinkin’ powerful.
I can’t wait for next week - Thanksgiving week - where my story picks back up with our rainbow after our storm!
In the meantime, Jesus loves you, and so do I. You are not alone. <3
XoXo!